DISCLAIMER:
This is a collection of jokes is ment to be taken as a saterical, humorus view of the mentality and humor of a pedophile. I, The Author, have no intentions of advocating this material to be used in the corruption of minors or to be taken out of context and used as guideline for comiting acts of a sexual nature against children.
In no way do I, The Author, endorse, or encourage the mal-treatment of children or persons of any age.

You might be a pedopile if...
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You've ever asked someone if they can "keep a secret".

A good day includes a trip to the Elementary school.

You consatly watch re-runs of Full House, and you dont mind the acting.

You are an advcocate of providing birth controll to young girls.

Your favorite circulation is the "little miss" section of The Sears catalogue.

A night on the town includes a trip into your neighbours back yard to smell his daughters bike seat.

Your single, but you insist on liveing near parks and schools.

You got a job as a school bus driver to meet new people.

To find a date you visit the local YMCA.

If You've ever said "you dont tell your mommy EVERYTHING do you?".

When buying your girl friend clothes is the most exciting part of your week.

You've ever seriously considered being a crossing gaurd.

Youre pet name for the girl next door is "Sexy".

You follow the Jon Benet Ramsey case just to see pictures of here in those lovely gowns!

You ride the bus all day just to help women get their baby carages up onto the bus.

You've ever considered opening a nudist preschool.

To get a date you swimg buy the Candy store.

When asking what sexual positions your girl friend likes you have to include the words "wee wee, and bum".

You buy childrens underwear but have no kids.

Whenever your girl friend comes over you have to swing buy the grocery store to pick up Petroleum Jelly and diapers.

You enjoy attending childrens plays at the local theatre.

You dont like cartoons, but you've seen The Lion King 20 times in the theatre.

You hate fast food, but you love eating at Mc Donalds.

You consider Chucky Cheeses a good place to take a date.

The first thing you asked your new neighbours is "so...ya got kids???"

Your a busy person but your allways willing to take time out to babysit.

You consider becoming a Kindergarten teacher a good career choice.

Your idea of a good job is becomming the local health care worker that goes to schools and gives lessons on sex ed.

Your fondest memories of being a child was changing for gym.

You dont have kids, but keep a stack of diapers on hand just in case.

You wear baby powder as a colonge.

You consider a pediatriction a God.

You get a job as a school janitor just to clean the bathrooms.

You spend hours waiting by the door waiting for the Girl Guides to ask for a donation.

Your single but still you vacation at Disney Land.

You visit your friend in the deep south to attend a "cute babies" contest.

Model your home in the fashion of Barbies Dream House.

You dont have kids but you have a room set up like a little girls room just in case.

You scan the TV Guide for shows about the Tribes people of Africa.

You never missed an episode of "Spilled Milk" (Canadian parenting show)

You visit the beach to photograph other peoples children.

You watch Rent-a-Kid and Kindergarten Cop constantly.

You love to watch the traffic just after school lets out.

You consider spending a day in the Childrens wading pool the most fun you've ever had.

You order information about Family Resorts in other places but never intend on traveling there.

You get hot whenever you see a package of "Pull-ups".

You wonder what the 8yr old girl next door sees in the other 8yr olds on the block.

Your outraged when the girl next door stops running around her back yard naked.

You buy a Sony Playstation just so the kids on the street have a reason to come to your house.

You offer to install security cameras in the bathroom of the local preschool for really cheap!

You've seen every movie the Olsen Twins have been in.

You claim to like the "acting" of the Olsen Twins.

You know every tiny detail about the Olsen Twins.

You look in the kids video section for a good work-out tape.

You've seen every potty training video on the martket,

You wish you had a daughter just so you can invite other children to sleep over.

When making love to your wife, you think of your kids.

You spent 5,000 dollars on your kids at Christmas, and 50 dollars on your wife.

You allways offer to change your babies diapers.

You wish your wife would leave you so you can spend more time with your daughter.

You keep a bottle of Baby Oil handy...Just in case.

You've ever seriously wondered where baby oil came from.

You visit the beach constantly, but never go swiming.

You consider Thailand and Belgium ideal travel destinations.

Your single, but you joined a family nudist colony.

Your favorite song is "Young Girl, get out of my mind Girl"

You've seen "My Girl" 50 times.

Youre sympathetic towards the bad publicity Woody Allen gets.

You complain the local store dosent carry your favorite magazines, Family Life, Parenting, and Jung Und Frei.

You've actually done a web search for "child porn" or "child pics".

You think the program "Kid Pics" has something to do with your girl friend.

Your majoring in Child Care.

You rush home from work to watch Seseme Street.

You wonder why the movie "Lolita" gets so bad publicity.

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...You may be a pedophile.
 

Things heard in a pedo's bedroom

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PEDO  |
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"Say, do you have a younger sister?"

"How the hell do ya undo these diapers?"

"Nice panties, I like Barbie too!"

(girl)"I dont have much hair, or boobs"
(pedo)"thats okay...niether do I!" <wink>

"Let me know if ya have to pee"

"Would you like some more wine?"

"ouch...watch your teeth please sweety!"

"ahh danm, its not wide enough yet."

"Ahh good, im the first one here!"

"Don't worry sweety, you wont be able to see my face for an hour!"

"hmmm, now where did I put that Vasoline?"

"Stop sucking on that pacifier...I got something else you can suck on!"

"How much candy did you say you wanted?"

"Put down that bottle and show me some love!"

"You can stay awake for a little while longer...all ya have to do is reach down here..."(use your imagination)

"You like playing with uncle, right?"

"Kewl...so when are you graduating to grade 3?"

"Sweetie...we gotta get a lock for your door!"

(uncle) "wow...so this is your first time!?"
(girl) "umm...first today?"

"That leak better be from the water bed!"

(mumbling) "I hope this dosent constitute statutory rape!"

(Teacher) "hey! You said you were 12!"
(5yo girls) "its was the only way I could get some action! My dads a limp-dick and no one has ever offered me candy!"

(talking to a 8yr old) "you got the body of a 3yr old...wow!"

"Wait...those arent cracker crumbs...you got couties!"

"I know its fun to play with those carrots...but I want some attention too!"

"Nice panties...can I keep these when we've finished?"

"Well, i dont care how old you are, its time you learned!"

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Little girl |
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"I dont care, im not touching that!"

"So thats what thats for!"

"Quiet! My daddy is a light sleeper!"

(girl) "ya wanna meet my parents when your done?"
(Teacher) "hell no!!!"

"ughh...arent I a women yet?"

"whats that smell?"

"Hey! youre almost as good as my ex!"

(vomiting) "blaghh...I thought you said this would taste good?"

"When is this supposed to feel good?"

"Dady, I dont think you should ask Dr. Ruth about this problem."

"Ouch...I dont like getting a wisker burn there!"

"You woke me up for that...again?"

"No, not in my hair...my teacher keeps asking me what that smell is."

(girl) "daddy, whats that?"
(dad) "thats my...umm...a bunny!"
(girl) "ahhh...I dont want to beat a bunny!"

"You want me to kiss you where?"

"I know im young...but...theres something you should know about me..."

"Stop it daddy, mommy hasent left for work yet"

"what do ya mean yer gunna show me where babies come from? ...Ouch!"

"Arent you finished yet? I wanna goto sleep!"

"Whats smells funny?"

"Youre putting that where?????"

"Wait...I need some more Vasoline..."

"I'm getting candy from this...right?"

"Why is that man with a camera here?"

"But what if mommy comes home?"

"agghhh! the OTHER hole please!"

"WOW! thats the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Okay, I'll let you, but you have to promise not to leave bruises like last time!"

"Watch out for my diaper rash!"

"Whats that?"

"what do you need a condom for?"

"Oww, dont push so hard!"

"wait a minute...I have to pee."

"Daddy, are you sure this is right?"

"don't touch me there!"

(pulling up panties) "hmph, I've had better"

Pedophile pick-up lines
 

Some pedophiles pick-up lines:
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"can you keep a secret?"

"so...when are you turning ten?"

"Hey, nice choice in Diapers!"

"ummm, is that baby oil your wearing?"

"So...where are you ticklish?"

"Visit this playground much?"

"HI! Are you new to this preschool?"

"Ya know, I could teach you more about life then your teacher ever could."

"What kind of Candy do you like?"

"Do you have a younger sister?"

"Hey! you look just like my daughter!"

"How would you like make a few dollars?"

"I got a Barbie you can play with."

"What do ya say me and you head over for a nice dinner at Chucky Cheeses?"

"Is that a lolly-pop in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

"Hey! I like the design on those Pull-ups!"

"How would you like to come by my place and try on some panties?"

(picking up a baby) "Hey Baby! got the time?"

"I got a Nintendo if you got the time!"

"What time does your mommy want you home at?"

"Ya know, I used to goto this school when I was your age."

"Ya into older?"

"Wanna play house with me?"

"What do ya say we swing by my place to watch Barney, have a sip of wine and party!?"